Navigating 'Hiya': Why Saving Face Is a Big Deal in Filipino Culture
Have you ever asked your helper if she understands a task, only to get a quick "yes," but then find it wasn't done correctly? It can be frustrating, right? You might think, "Why didn't she just tell me she didn't know how?"
The answer might be a core part of Filipino culture called "hiya" (pronounced hee-yah). While often translated as "shame" or "embarrassment," it's more about "saving face" for oneself and for others. Understanding hiya is key to avoiding misunderstandings and building a stronger relationship with your helper.
What Is "Hiya" and How Does It Affect the Workplace?
Hiya is a deep-seated cultural value that governs social interactions. In a professional context, it can make someone hesitant to do anything that might cause a negative reaction.
Here's how hiya can show up in your household:
Hesitation to Ask Questions: A helper might worry that asking for clarification suggests they are incompetent, so they'll say "yes" even if they don't fully understand.
Avoiding "No": Saying "no" to a request from an employer can be seen as disrespectful or confrontational, so a helper may agree to a task they can't complete.
Taking Correction Personally: Direct, public criticism can feel like a major loss of face, causing deep embarrassment and potentially damaging trust.
When you understand this, you can see that a helper who seems to avoid direct communication isn't trying to be difficult—she's simply navigating a deeply ingrained cultural norm.
Practical Tips for Giving Feedback Effectively
Now that you understand the "why," here's how to communicate in a way that respects hiya and gets the results you want:
1. Keep Feedback Private.
Never correct or criticize your helper in front of your children, other family members, or guests. A private conversation in a calm tone is far more effective. Publicly calling out a mistake is a major source of hiya and can erode the professional respect you've worked to build.
2. Use the "Sandwich Method."
This classic feedback technique is incredibly effective when dealing with hiya.
Start with something positive: "The house looks so tidy, thank you for all your hard work."
Offer the constructive feedback: "I just wanted to show you a slightly different way to clean the windows—this method helps avoid streaks."
End with another positive statement: "You're a great help, and I really appreciate you taking the time to learn."
3. Focus on the Task, Not the Person.
Instead of saying, "You did this wrong," try to rephrase your feedback to focus on the action. For example, "Let's try to do it this way to make the task faster," or "I prefer the plates to be stacked like this." This avoids putting the helper on the defensive and makes it easier for her to accept the new instruction.
By being mindful of hiya, you're not just being a good boss; you're showing cultural intelligence and respect. These small shifts in your communication style can lead to a more positive and productive relationship, helping you find and keep a great helper for years to come.
I would love to hear your feedback. Leave a comment.
