The "Yes" That Doesn't Mean "Yes"

Written By Allan Smith

Understanding the Filipino concept of Pakiramdam (The Shared Feeling)

In Hong Kong, we value directness. We ask a question; we expect a "Yes" or "No." But for your Filipino helper, direct confrontation is a sign of a breakdown in the relationship. When you are angry and ask, "Do you understand?", and she says "Yes" (but then fails to do the task), she isn't lying to you. She is practicing Pakiramdam.

She is "feeling" your anger and her primary goal is to de-escalate the tension. Her "Yes" actually means: "I see you are upset, and I want to stop the conflict." Because she is so focused on your emotions, her brain actually stops processing your instructions.

Thought Question: Think of a time your helper said "Yes" but failed the task. Was your tone of voice urgent or angry at that moment?

Action Point: Try the "Teach-Back" Method. Instead of asking "Do you understand?", say: "I want to make sure I explained this clearly. Can you show me how you will do it?" This removes the pressure of the "Yes/No" trap.

Allan Smith

Allan Smith is the owner of Arrow Employment Services in Hong Kong. Hiring a helper from another country and culture is difficult and misunderstandings are common. Our goal is to help you “find and keep a good helper”. If you are looking for work, our goal is to “help you find and keep a good job”. We help you navigate the often difficult employer - employee relationship.

http://arrowes.hk
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Understanding the Filipino Family