How to give feedback to your helper without turning into a nag
Employees need feedback. Some employers think "I told them clearly once, and I wrote them a long job description. Isn't that enough?" NO, it's not enough. You don't get things the first time you hear them and neither does your helper. I listen to an excellent podcast called "Manager Tools". The suggestions below are a variation of their excellent guidelines on giving employee feedback.
The purpose of feedback: It's about future behavior, NOT past behavior. The purpose of feedback is NOT to berate or criticize your employee for past mistakes. The entire purpose is to help them perform better in the FUTURE.
The timing of feedback: Feedback should be given within one week of the event. If you wait too long, the employee won't remember the event. If you forget, don't worry, the employee is likely to do the same thing again.
Ask permission to give feedback: I can hear some of our customers now thinking "No way! I'm the boss. I'll give feedback when I want to give feedback." Well, this advice may fall on deaf ears, but feedback will be better received if you ask permission first. What does it cost you to be polite and say, "Polly, I want to give you some feedback on dinner last night. Have you got a few minutes?"
Focus on Behavior and Outcomes: Do NOT talk about motives. You don't know their heart. Assume they have a good heart, that they are here to serve you well and provide for their family in the process. Talk about behavior and outcomes, then tell them what behavior needs to change or be continued.
"Polly, I want to talk to you about this morning. Have you got a minute? Yesterday you woke up at 6:30 instead of 6:00. Because you were late, I had to help get the kids out the door, and I myself was late to work. Your late rising caused me to experience a lot of pressure and stress, and to be late to work myself. In the future, I expect you to be up by 6 a.m. OK? Thank you."
" Polly, can I talk to you about dinner last night? I thought the soup was really delicious. I hope that next time you'll make it just that way again. In the stir fry, the celery was chopped too thick. The result was that it was not cooked properly and was hard to chew and swallow. Next time please cut the celery 1/2 again as small. Do you understand what I mean? Would you like me to show you the technique for chopping the vegetables again? Thanks."
"Polly, I want to talk to you about the laundry. When you ironed the clothes, you burned my blouse. I bought that blouse when I was in Canada last summer, and it is one of my favorites. Now I won't be able to enjoy wearing it, and I won't be able to find another like it here in Hong Kong. I'm also going to have to spend time and money to buy a replacement. Next time, I need you to read the label (show her the label) on each garment before you iron it. If it says "don't iron", please don't iron it. If it says "iron on low heat" use the low heat setting (show her on the iron). Do you understand what I need from you? Thanks."
Read the above examples outloud. How long did it take? Feedback doesn't need to take a long time. If you're talking more than 1 or 2 minutes, you are probably talking too much. Don't vent your emotions on your employees. Focus on behaviors, outcomes and expected change. You should be able to smile when you give feedback. If you feel emotional, then wait for a time when you are calm to give feedback. Why don't you give it a try and let me know how it goes.
Allan @ Arrow
It's Christmas! Let's help those who have lost everything!
You've come to this page looking for a good helper. If you want to go straight to our helper bios or read about how we work we understand, but we know that Arrow customers genuinely care about those people who work for their families, so if you don't mind, take a minute and consider the needs of those in the Southern Philippines who are suffering so much at this holiday season.
Pastor Alex lives and serves God and people in Cagayan de Oro, one of the areas worst hit by the recent flooding. Here is his report on what conditions are like now:
"Cagayan-de-Oro was hit by a strong typhoon last Friday, Dec 16. It was the most destructive and tragic calamity in the history of our city. As of today there were already 957 dead, 50 are still missing and more than 40,000 homeless temporarily sheltered in Public Schools and Village Centers.
From our Cell Groups there were 6 children dead, 5 adults dead, 22 people missing and 185 families lost their homes. Heavily damaged are the Congregation of Homer in Consolacion and the Congregation of Reynante in Macasandig. Large portion of the city has no electricity and no water supply for two days now because the city water reservoir was damaged.
Our family and most of the Church members are okay and busy helping the flood victims. We are using all our Church vehicles to deliver water every morning and afternoon from our home to the victims. The city government used the local fire trucks to deliver water but was not enough.
The immediate needs right now are the following:
1. Potable Water
2. Food (Milk for children)
3. Medicine (Anti-Bacterial, Anti-Diarrheal, Fever and Cold, Skin infection)
4. Beddings (Blanket, Mats and Mosquito Nets)
5. Rubber Thongs
Thanks for your prayers and continuous support.
Alex & Cynthia (alexeduave@yahoo.com)"
How Can You Help?
Send Cheque (ONLY accept US$ Cheque):
CCMN, 3/F, no. 10 Anchor Street, Tai Kok Tsui, Kowloon, Hong Kong.
(Please write down clearly “Support Philippines” and write down your name, email and contact no.)
Please state the name “Cell Church Missions Network” on the cheque clearly.
Send TT:
Here is our bank account information:
Name of Bank: Hang Seng Bank Limited
Address of Bank: Head Office, 83 Des Voeux Road, Central, Hong Kong
Swift Code: HASE HKHH
Name of Account: Cell Church Missions Network
Account No.: 227-257979-668
Bank Code: 024
(Please write down clearly “Support Philippines”
and write down your name, email and contact no.)
If you have any enquiry, please contact CCMN email: (ccmndanielchan@gmail.com / ccmnkathy@gmail.com) or phone no.: (852) 2772-4760
Arrow Anniversary
Yesterday we celebrated our 5th year of active placements with a thanksgiving service and party for helpers. We are very thankful for Pastor Jorge who stayed up late editting the video and putting it online.
All Saint's Day
Above left is a Heroes Graveyard. Below right is a "condominium" of bone crypts. In public cemetaries bones are dug up after 5 years, cleaned and moved to a "bone crypt. Public graveyards are so crowded that there are no walkways, so people visiting graves have to walk across graves. Sometimes the graves are poorly made, and your foot will go through the top cover into the grave. See photo below left.
Do you drink "fair trade" coffee?
Do you drink "fair trade" coffee? The "fair trade" movement is an attempt to ensure that producers in poor countries are fairly compensated for their work, their produce etc., rather than being taken advantage of by huge corporations who want to pay as little as possible for the coffee, clothing, electronics, etc., that the turn around and sell to the rest of the world.
The "fair trade" movement's success depends on the awareness of consumers and their willingness to pay more for a product than the current "market price". Recently I visited a supermarket in the USA that carried many fair trade products. The coffee beans they had for sale averaged US$18-20/lb. If I shop in my local Safeway Supermarket, coffee beans cost me around US $6/lb. What do I do? Should I pay 3X more for coffee in the hope that the farmers will receive a bigger cut or should I go to another store and buy cheaper coffee? What would you do? Fortunately, I was not looking for coffee that day!
Once in while (not often enough), we have a customer who is very concerned with the fees that a helper needs to pay in the Philippines to come to Hong Kong. The helper, who is poor, almost always pays more than the employer, who is materially richer. At Arrow we've developed a system that doesn't leave the applicants at the mercy of recruitment agencies in the Philippines, and as a result, Arrow ladies pay 40-50% less than the industry average. Last Sunday, one of our ladies showed me a list of 10 ladies she had sent to Arrow. I asked her "Why?" hoping she'd mention our care and love for helpers, but she gave the same answer I always hear "Sir, you are the cheapest!"
Recently one of our customers asked me if I could arrange a big discount for the lady they wanted to hire. They didn't want her to have to pay so much. I told them, "if you are willing to pay more, I will make sure she pays less in the Philippines." I offered them the "fair trade" coffee deal. They walked away. So let me ask you, are you willing to pay more, so that the helper can pay less? Most of our costs, air tickets, medicals, rents, salaries, etc. have gone up, but we haven't raised our prices. Our profit margins are around 10%. If Arrow agency fees were $7xxx, would you still want to do business with Arrow? I would raise prices for our HK customers and make sure our Filipino applicants received a big cut in fees, if I thought the market would allow me? What do you think? I'd love to hear your feedback.
Finding the Perfect Match for Your Home
A client called at the Arrow office one morning, “ I want to find a helper that is perfect match for my family, can your company deliver that for me?”
I was taken aback at the implications of this question. First, is there such a thing as a “perfect match”? And secondly, if such a thing exists, does Arrow have the ability of the company to deliver the “perfect match”?
We tend to think that looking for a helper is like shopping for a new pair of trousers. We move round to different stores; look at the pants worn by the perfectly shaped mannequins and then choose a handful of pairs based on our size to take to the fitting room, hoping to find one that will make our body look like the mannequins.’
The main difference between helpers and trousers is this: trousers don’t change to fit your body, while helpers adjust to fit into your home.
I do not mean that ALL helpers can successfully adapt to your home. There are those who are not suitable to work as domestic helpers in Hong Kong. There are those who are not physically able to do the job. Other would not have sufficient command of the English language in order to communicate across the linguistic divide. Others may have bad records in society that should raise red flags for a job that requires so much trustworthiness. On the more subtle side, there are those who do not have the emotional resilience to bear the loneliness of working away from home. Others may have an attitude that refuses to adjust to a new work environment albeit this is harder to discern. This is one important task that Arrow does for you: we filter out the obvious misfits.
How can you find a helper that can work well in your household? Here are a few guidelines:
1. Have a clear purpose in hiring a helper. One common reason people hire a helper is to release some members of the household to engage in income generating activities. After the kids have grown to school age, a spouse may want to go back to work; or the family may need someone to watch over an aging parent while the sibling goes to work.
2. Define what areas you need your helper to focus on. This will help you find what strengths you are looking for in an applicant. For example, you are expecting a baby but you desire to take care of the baby as a full time mom. You foresee that you will not be able to attend to the household chores even though you are staying at home. Look for someone whose strength is in household chores and who has a disposition for and is teachable in baby care. You may not be able to find someone who perfectly matches your wish list, but you will be able to hire someone who is strong in the areas you need most.
A clear definition of the task of the helper will also help your helper stay longer. If you aren’t clear in your job description and expectations before hiring a helper, you may end up with someone who is weak in the areas you most need. They won’t be able to perform up to your standards, and both you and your helper will feel frustrated.
3. Look at the applicants experience and score box. At arrowes.hk you can find helper bios that gives you a background on the work experience and a score card with our trainer’s assessment on the various areas of the applicants’ skill set. With these tools you can make a short list of helpers to interview.
4. Validate the information you gathered through the interview. During the interview, you will gain more understanding of the background of the applicant. It is also during these interviews that you can allow your intuition to take part in making the judgment.
Now how can we help our helpers “fit” into our household? Here are some suggestions.
1. Be Kind. Most helpers arrive with some feeling of apprehension, about having an “unkind” employer. During our post-arrival orientation we help them talk about and face this fear, but you can help them overcome this by giving them a warm and assuring welcome.
2. Communicate well. Give them feedback about their work. Be generous with praise especially with the task that is done well. Their first month is engaged in “calibrating” to your domestic standards of household work. Be sure to let them know how you want the work is done.
3. Orient them. Be sure to give them sufficient orientation to their work especially the ones that are related to their main areas that you require of them. Orient them also on how to respond to emergencies, what numbers to call or where to go for help. Show them how they can access to their personal needs, like their bedspace, access to food when they are hungry and when to use their phones.
4. Give them a proper day off. The Bible teaches that the seventh day will be a day of rest. This is meant to be a time when people could re-create themselves in order to grow as a person. Oftentimes, helper use their days off to communicate with family back home, to send money, meet with friends, attend seminars, worship and just simply rest. Give them sufficien time for themselves.
We encourage our Arrow ladies to take part in the activities of Jubilee International Filipino Fellowship during their days off. In our times together at Jubilee, we encourage one another and learn how to live according to the values taught in the Bible.
5. Encourage your helper to grow as a person. Becoming part of your household and adjusting to life in Hong Kong is a big step of growth. Personal growth should go farther than simple adjustment to HK. Allow them time to rest, especially if they have finished the days work. Give them personal time to read and learn new things for themselves. We and our Philippine agency partner gave these helpers a Bible, a book, Helper’s Helper, full of tips on working as domestic helpers in Hong Kong and a subscription to Our Daily Bread. We encourage them to read at least thirty minutes everyday to expand their minds. You may also wish to loan them a book or magazine article that you have found inspiring, but if they don’t have any personal time or energy to read, then it won’t do much good.
When it comes to hiring a helper there is no perfect match, because there are no perfect employers and no perfect helpers. Instead we should have a goal to find a person who fits our needs and criteria well, and then, after they arrive, build a good relationship where there is continuous growth and mutual encouragement.
We welcome you to leave comments below. We would love to hear your feedback, and your best ideas for getting the most out of your employees.
Dr. Jorge De Ramos
The Help
Ione and I recently finished listening to the audio version of The Help by Kathryn Stockett. It's a fantastic book about what it was like for African American women in the 1960's to work for white families in Jackson, Mississippi. Last night we went and saw the movie. For anyone who has read the book, the movie seems to leave out too much important information, but still it was very good. The theatre was full and the audience applauded at the end. If you are considering hiring a domestic helper or you already have hired a helper go see this movie. If you are working as a helper, you probably can't afford to go to the movie, so wait til the video comes out, and we'll watch it together.
Are you giving your helper "pasma"?
Pasma or Pasmado: An Ailment that is Purely Filipino
Filipinos have this ailment called “pasma” or its adjective “pasmado.” This ailment affects the limbs particularly the arms and at other times the lungs. Its symptoms vary like having sweaty palms, or soles of the feet or shaky hands. The word is also used to explain pain on the hands and limbs and even general weakening of the body.
The word had its roots from the Spanish “espasmo” which translates into “spasm.” The ailment is commonly recognized as “folk illness,” which means this illness is defined by Filipino culture defined rather than conventions western medicine. The medical sciences has yet to look into this folk illness.
According to Filipino culture, one will suffer from “pasma” when there is a sinister interaction of hot and cold in the body. When one had just finished an activity that makes the body hot, care should be taken that the body should not cool down too quickly. A common application of this belief is that one should avoid getting his hands wet right after doing the chore of ironing clothes.
This matter has become a common flash point between the Filipino helper and her Hong Konger employers.
In our new-comers’ orientation sessions for helpers working in Hong Kong, we have found it challenging to explain to them that they may have to change their bathing schedule. Filipinos are used to bathe in the morning while their Chinese hosts/employers would want the members of their household to bathe before they go to bed. We warn them that at times they may have to do cooking right after doing the ironing of clothes. In the minds of these Filipino helpers this is a sure fire way of contracting “pasma.” On a number of sessions I would jokingly challenge that “pasma” never exists in Hong Kong (lit., “hindi uso and pasma sa Hong Kong”). Oftentimes, my jokes were received with a somber reprimand - “pastor, this is serious thing.”
Just recently I took one helper who believes she was suffering from “pasma.” We took her to the doctor and she was diagnosed with muscle pain. She was given liniment and some pain reliever. We also helped her find a good “hilot” (massage therapist) to bring relief to her ailment. She explains that her particular “pasma” was caused by having to take a shower right after doing the ironing.
We saw one who says she was “pasmado” to the point that she cannot move her arm. Her pain was almost unbearable. Her limb felt like dead weight on her body. The doctor later diagnosed it as acute carpal tunnel- a serious disease. I had a difficult effort to explain to her what the disease is all about as she attributed the cause to the heavy load of ironing and having to wash her hands afterwards. There are other precipitating factors than just hard work. To the Filipinas who learned about her ailment, they were struck with fear as to what the lifestyle in Hong Kong can do to their health as well.
One time, one helper had a mild stroke, half of her body was paralyzed. The doctor dutifully did the necessary tests and was very sure of his diagnosis, but many of the Filipinos who heard about her ailment say that this is one case of “pasma.”
How can the matter be handled? How can the cross-cultural conflict be avoided?
A good and open discussion about the helper’s schedule particularly the one that involves ironing, cooking and bathing will accomplish much. Moreover, employers should also understand that each individual Filipino may vary in how they believe in “pasma” vis a vis the conventions of medical science. Some of them may totally not believe in it.
Keep in mind that it will be futile to argue against the worldview or belief system of another person with the intent of changing it. So for starters, to give leeway to accommodate your helper’s belief on the matter and through open dialogue you maybe able to help them have a broader perspective on the matter “pasma.”
Train your baby to eat healthy while in the womb
NPR (National Public Radio) from the US has a fascinating report on recent research that shows that you can influence babies while still in the womb or breastfeeding to "like" healthy food. Here's an excerpt:
"Want your child to love veggies? Start early. Very early. Research shows that what a woman eats during pregnancy not only nourishes her baby in the womb, but may shape food preferences later in life.
At 21 weeks after conception, a developing baby weighs about as much as a can of Coke — and he or she can taste it, too. Still in the womb, the growing baby gulps down several ounces of amniotic fluid daily. That fluid surrounding the baby is actually flavored by the foods and beverages the mother has eaten in the last few hours.
"Things like vanilla, carrot, garlic, anise, mint — these are some of the flavors that have been shown to be transmitted to amniotic fluid or mother's milk," says Julie Mennella, who studies taste in infants at the Monell Chemical Senses Center. In fact, Mennella says there isn't a single flavor they have found that doesn't show up in utero. Her work has been published in the journal Pediatrics."
Life in the Philippines
I've spent the last week living with a houseful of Filipinos (when I say houseful, I mean 15 people). Here are a few observations about the lifestyle here:
- They value community. It is not polite to eat until everyone is gathered. They will let me, the foreigner skip a meal, but noone else can. It doesn't matter that we just ate a big meal at the training center. When we get home, we're expected to eat again to show respect for the effort of the cooks. It sounds like a recipe for obesity. They love to sit in the Sala (living room) together and watch TV in the evening. The shows give them a pretext for chatting, joking and having fun.
- They are hardworking. The sun comes up at around 5:30 and by 6 p.m. the house is being cleaned by the guests (Arrow ladies). They scrub the floor by hand, make all the beds, fold up all the clothes, even the dirty ones. One lady did my ironing and now even my underwear are pressed.
- They are careful with property. My computer and phone charger cords are carefully unplugged and rolled up everyday. I tend to dump my dirty clothes in a heap. When I come back I find them folded nicely in my suitcase. I think that people who have too many things don't treasure them. Filipinos are poor. They treasure and take care of their clothes and possessions. I bought a pair of basketball shoes for a young man who exercises and plays ball with me here in Cabuyao. When I came back on my next trip, I found out that he won't wear them. They are such a treasure to him, that he doesn't want to wear them! I have to really encourage him before he would wear them.
- They are clean. They bathe 2x a day, in the a.m. and before bed. They like their clothes to look nice, even if they are poor and worn out, they will be clean and ironed.
- Filinos, by and large, love children. Marvin, the 1 year old in the house, is passed from lady to lady. They are confident and very patient. I have never heard anyone shouting at another person, and certainly not at the children.
- They are generally God-fearing, and believe in God, even if they don't know much about him.
Of course there are exceptions, but then again we say "exceptions prove the rule", don't we?
Allan, from the Philippines
Thank You!
Thank you for contacting Arrow in your search for a Helper! Here is what you can expect within the next few days:
- Within the next 24 hours our staff will try to contact you, so we can understand your needs and expectations for a helper.
- With your permission we will send you the bio information of some ladies we think might be a good fit for you. All of our current ladies are available on our website, and we welcome you to browse the bios and talk to us about the ones you think might be a good fit. If we think an applicant is unsuitable for you, we won't hesitate to tell you.
- After you've narrowed the field to 2-4 possibles, we will arrange interviews via skype, so you can see and talk to the applicants. You do this from the comfort of your home.
- During Orientation weeks (our training in the Philippines) we are too busy to send out bios to customers, and instead will schedule you for a 1 hour block of time, where you can interview ladies directly from our training camp in the Philippines. During 1 hour, you can usually interview 3-4 well qualified candidates. Be prepared to make a quick decision, because the customers who follow you on the schedule may interview and hire the lady you like best.
- Once you have decided on whom to hire, you can come into our office and complete the paperwork, or, for a small fee, we will send someone to your office with the documents.
Here is a link to our fee schedule.
We are honored that you have decided to give us a chance to serve you.
Allan & Ione Smith
Recruitment Challenges
Currently my biggest challenge as the owner and manager of Arrow is finding enough good quality helpers for our Hong Kong customers. Our HK customers are good people who deserve to have a good selection of helpers to interview and choose from. We are actively recruiting in the Philippines, giving discounts to applicants, taking out advertisements, and doing our best to get more applicants into the pipeline. Besides the training this week, we have scheduled another week of training next week, and hope to have another 10-20 applicants.
We have some good ladies over the age of 40, but the market doesn't seem interested in them right now. It's a shame because customers who hire older ladies are almost always delighted with them. Nevertheless, the market is speaking, and we need to recruit younger ladies to serve HK families.
Thank you for your patience. We hope to resolve these supply issues very soon.
Allan Smith, Arrow
New Arrivals Class
Philippine Passport Headaches
Greener Pastures in Icy Prairies (by Pastor Jorge De Ramos)
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Jubilee International Filipino Fellowship
CB Hong Kong/WorldVenture HK
20th Floor Sunbeam Commercial Building
Telephone +852 6761 5881
Why should I hire through Arrow?
Here are the 10 top reasons you should hire a helper through Arrow:
1. We pre-screen all applicants during our 1 week orientations, so that you can feel confident that you are hiring a good and capable person.
2. We conduct our own training in the Philippines, so that you can know that we are equipping helpers for the "real Hong Kong", imparting to them the attitudes and skills needed to succeed here.
3. We provide options both for refund and replacement, so that you can feel reassured that, in the event that things don't work out, you have good alternatives.
4. We follow up every placement, providing coaching and encouragement to both employers and helpers, so that you will have resources to help you in this sometimes complicated cross-cultural relationship.
5. We go the extra mile in serving, so that if you ever find yourself in a difficult situation (e.g. a sick helper & no time to take her to the doctor) you can rest assured that Arrow will do whatever we can to help out, taking helpers to the doctor, visiting in the hospital, etc.
6. We provide free mediation service, so that if you and your helper ever experience a breakdown in communication, you can come together and we'll sit down with you and help you resolve the issue, so that you won't have to change helpers in mid-contract.
7. We operate our own guesthouse, so that your helper has a place to go on her day off if she has International (not Sunday) days off. That way, you can feel assured that she is in a safe place on her rest day.
8. We work closely with a church, Jubilee Int'l Filipino Fellowship, so that on rest days and holidays, your helper will have a positive influence in her life, helping her grow both as a person and an employee.
9. We have an excellent reputation among the Filipino Community in Hong Kong. They know we treat workers well, and they know we attract high quality, fair employers, so that more and more well qualified Filipinos, want to find work through Arrow, making it easier for you to find a well qualified worker.
10. Our staff understands the Immigration Departments policies and workings, and we make sure the paperwork is done right the first time, so that your visa will be issued as quickly as possible.
Why we administer 2 pregnancy tests
At Arrow our applicants have a pregnancy test as part of their medical exam, and another pregnancy test before they are given their air ticket. The following excerpt from a news article explains why that is so important. Click this link for the whole article:
By JAMES HOOKWAY
ALABANG, Philippines—Buying a packet of condoms in a drugstore in this posh Manila suburb isn't as straightforward as it might appear.
"Do you have a prescription for that, sir?" the sales clerk at Mercury Drug asked a visitor recently as retirees waited in line for diabetes pills and other medication.