7 ways to bond with your baby
Parenting.com has a fantastic article by a pediatrician on how to bond with your newborn. Here's an excerpt:
" Early in our parenting career, a friend said to my wife, Martha, "It must be nice to be married to a pediatrician since he knows all about babies." Martha astutely responded, "Actually, he mainly knows how to take care of sick babies."
She was right: I had been well-trained in treating physical illnesses but had little experience in promoting emotional wellness. So I turned my office into sort of an experimental laboratory, watching those parents who seemed to enjoy their babies most and, admittedly, whose children I enjoyed most. After 10 years of observations, I came up with the concept of attachment parenting (AP), a high-touch, high-response style of parenting that I believe brings out the best in both you and your baby."
Keep reading: http://www.parenting.com/article/7-ways-to-bond-with-your-baby?src=twitter
10 Commandments for Employers
Customer's often give me lists of dos/don't s, rules for their new helpers. We pass these onto the helpers so they will understand the expectations of their employers. Recently I had a group of recently "resigned" helpers in the office. They had each worked at their employers homes for different lengths of time (3 months, 6 months, 1 year, etc.) I asked them to write a list of dos/don't for employers, and then condense them into 10 commandments for employers. Here is their un-edited 10 commandments.
- Don't humiliate the helpers.
- Don't discriminate the helpers.
- Don't treat the maids like a dog.
- Give trust, humility and feel that the maids are safe in working with their employers. (I think they meant "make the maids feel safe")
- Give food at least 3 times a day.
- Give maid proper place and space to rest after work.
- Don't expect the maid to be perfect.
- Let the maid to feel free to move inside the house to work well.
- Employers have to give time to the helper to adjust and adapt the terms and regulations before termination.
- Don't control the life of the maid.
The secret to a high performing helper
Dr. Jorge De Ramos is Senior Pastor of Jubilee Int'l Filipino Fellowship
Do you want a helper who keeps a high level of performance working in your home? Do you want her to be motivated in a way that she begins to take initiative in her work and does it cheerfully, no matter how hard the work may be?
I noticed that high performing helpers are those who are given a good dose of affirmation on their work. I have heard and seen it countless times from stories shared in our faith community of Filipino migrant workers; they are genuinely delighted when they hear a word of affirmation and appreciation from their employers. To them it was enough to make their day and even their week it is more than what money could buy for them.
Affirmation helps a worker see if she is doing things well and to the satisfaction of the employer. It adds confidence to the worker on her work and even do better. It makes her happy in way that helps her cope with homesickness. A word of appreciation will keep her from wearing down emotionally.
How do we affirm our helper?
When ever she finishes a job, mention the things that she did right and well. Say it to her like: “I enjoyed the steamed fish tonight.”
Add a word of gratitude like, “thanks for keeping my child safe on your way home.”
When you feel relaxed coming home to a tidy place, say a word of thanks for keeping the house in place.
Reciprocate your helper’s greeting. When she greets you “good morning,” reply back to her with the same words.
Affirmation and appreciation can never be excessive as most people experience affirmation deficit in their lives. It is not true that appreciating your worker will cause them to be mediocre. Mediocrity is often caused by a lack of an affirmative working environment. Many of those who resigned from their jobs earlier than expected, have serious deficit of affirmation. Part of what we do as pastors is to help them regain their sense of dignity and self-respect after being in a diificult work environment.
Do not treat affirmation like a commodity or money. For a word of affirmation to make a good impact, it must be given freely and without noting it down as if a debt is occured. Give it from a sincere heart and you will receive a heartfelt service from the one who works for you.
Learn to live an affirmative lifestyle. See what is good, beautiful, positive and delightful with the people around you. Mention it to them with a sincere heart. I am sure your spouse, your children and your friends will truly find it delightful. An admonition from ancient wisdom goes this way: “encourage one another and build each other up.”
When you don't like the person you work with
What do you do if you can't stand your employer, employee or co-worker? Peter Bregman in the Harvard Business Review has an interesting article on how to handle such a situation. Here is a link to this insightful article. What do you think? Leave your comments below.
Pimples - come on!
We had a very qualified lady who has been rejected by three customers who said they really like her, but don't like the pimples on her chin. What a shame. How many HK youth are pimple faced? How many of us have struggled with pimples in our past? If you have a job you can buy medicine to take care of the pimples, but how will you gain the experience, education and other skills needed to care for a family?
It's okay if a customer doesn't like the appearance of an applicant, but please don't ask them to lean into the camera so you can examine her skin/teeth etc. in detail. It's like forcing someone with crooked teeth to smile big, so you can look inside their mouth.
Housewives,helpers and happiness
Recently four helpers working in homes with full time housewives ended their contracts. As an agency we have more support issues with full-time housewives than with any other group -even more than with hormone flushed new mothers, and more than with "po po"s. The biggest complaints from helpers are micro-managing and constant criticism. Why do we think that berating another person will help them perform better? Is there really any evidence that this kind of management technique actually works?
My intuition tells me that happy people make happy employers/employees, and that unhappy people are usually poor employers, and poor employees. If you have to work side by side with an unhappy person (housewife or helper) all day long, then they are going to drive you crazy and you will either quit or fire. So let me ask you one question: "Are you happy?" Allow me one more question; "why not?" If people who are unjustly imprisoned (like Nelson Mandela for more than 20 years) can stay positive and happy, why can't you?
If you are a happy stay at home employer, what advice do you have for other people in your situation? for the helpers? We welcome your comments.
Minimum Allowable Wage and food allowance for foreign domestic helpers to increase
For employment contracts signed starting yesterday, the Minimum Allowable Wage for FDHs was increased by HK$180 (P954), or from HK$3,740 to HK$3,920 (P19,822 to P20,776) per month.
Hong Kong’s Standard Employment Contract for hiring FDHs also requires employers to provide helpers with free food. Employers, however, may choose to pay food allowance in lieu of free food.
The government also increased the foreign workers monthly food allowance by HK$100 (P530), from not less than HK$775 to not less than HK$875 (P4,108 to P4,638).
“The government has all along regularly reviewed the Minimum Allowable Wage for FDHs. In this year’s review, after taking carefully into consideration Hong Kong’s general economic and employment situation, as reflected through a basket of economic indicators including the relevant income movements, price changes and labor market situation, the government has decided to make the above-mentioned adjustment,” a spokesman for the Hong Kong government said.
“The government has also reviewed the food allowance in lieu of free food and decided to raise it to the above-mentioned level, after taking into account the movement in the relevant consumer price index,” the spokesman added.
The spokesman stressed that the minimum allowable wage and food allowance are only a minimum standard, to protect FDHs from exploitation and to protect local workers from competition with low-wage foreign workers.
He said employers might choose to give FDHs better terms than the minimum allowable wage and food allowance, depending on their individual situations.
To give employers sufficient time to send the signed contracts to the Immigration Department for completion, contracts signed on or earlier than Sept. 19 with the monthly Minimum Allowable Wage of HK$3,740 and food allowance of not less than $775 would still be processed by the Immigration Department, provided that the applications reach the department on or before Oct. 17.
(Above report taken from the Philippine Star
本港外傭加薪4.8%
The following news is from Ming Pao as seen in yahoo.com.hk
政府宣布，本港外籍家庭傭工的「規定最低工資」將由每月3,740元調高180元至3,920元，增幅為4.8%。
根據聘用外傭的標準僱傭合約，僱主必須為外傭提供免費膳食。事實上，現時絕大部份僱主均為外傭提供免費膳食，但僱主亦可選擇以膳食津貼代替。
若僱主選擇為外傭提供膳食津貼代替免費膳食，有關津貼將由現時每月不少於775元增加100元至不少於875元，增幅為12.9%。新的「規定最低工資」及膳食津貼水平將適用於明日（9月20日）起簽訂的所有合約。
政府發言人說：「政府一向定期檢討外傭的『規定最低工資』。在今年的檢討中，我們在仔細考慮了香港的整體經濟和就業情況，包括相關工資和物價的變動，以及勞工市場情況等一籃子的經濟指標後，決定作出上述的調整。」
發言人補充說：「政府亦檢討了代替免費膳食的膳食津貼，在參考相關的消費物價指數的變動後，決定將津貼提高。」
發言人強調「規定最低工資」及膳食津貼只是一個最低標準，目的旨在保障外傭免受剝削外，亦保障本地工人免與低薪海外工人競爭。僱主可按照本身情況，選擇給予外傭較「規定最低工資」及膳食津貼更高的待遇。
在今日或之前按現時每月3,740元的「規定最低工資」和每月不少於775元的膳食津貼簽署的合約，仍可於10月17日或之前送抵入境事務處處理。
Hong Kong Daily report: Gas Canister injures domestic helper
【新報訊】屯門麒麟圍村昨日發生氣體爆炸搶火傷人事件，一名外籍女傭於廚房煮食期間，自行更換石油氣罐時，疑沒有關掉爐火，以致洩漏石油氣導致爆炸搶火，一團烈焰冒起，她首當其衝燒傷臉和手腳。
受傷外籍女傭Siti（30歲），獲送院救治後，傷勢嚴重仍需留醫，據悉她來港工作僅一個多月。
拔喉管漏氣引發火焰
昨午2時許，受僱於屯門麟青路麒麟圍村一幢3層高村屋的一名外籍女傭，在地下廚房使用兩個單獨石油氣爐煮食物期間，其中一個石油氣爐因燃料即將耗盡火勢減弱，她遂到屋外匆匆搬一罐後備石油氣入廚房。
她自行更換時，疑未有熄火，將連接火爐的喉管拔出，因洩漏石油氣導致爆炸搶火，一團烈焰冒起，她首當其衝燒傷臉和手腳，姓蘇（77歲）男戶主聽聞爆炸聲響，馬上衝入廚房查看，見她受傷報警，並陪同受傷女傭到醫院治理。
意外發生警方通知機電工程署派員到場調查。
5 Secrets of a Successful Helper: Tagumpay!
The Tagumpay (Ta Gum Pi) class is a four session interactive class that aims to:
1. Make Filipina ladies feel welcome and find mutual support.
2. Coach the ladies in their adjustment with the HK culture and ways.
3. Assist them through the formation of support groups to help them overcome homesickness. Homesickness often leads to poor performance.
4. Equip them to handle stress and take care of their personal well being.
5. Impart wisdom to them about the handling of their finances.
Through these classes that we hear their updates and immediately resolve issues they face as they arise. By resolving them, their attitude and mindset are realigned and refocused so they can succeed in their work performance making their employers and themselves happy.
Classes are values-based, grounded in the teachings of the Bible and very interactive. When certain issues or problems needed to be addressed more intensively, the participants are encouraged to have a person-to-person time with an ARROW staff for coaching and counselling.
Tagumpay classes are conducted every Sunday from 9:00-10:30 a.m. at the office of Arrow Employment Services. Classes repeat every month, so helpers can make up any classes they have missed. If you want your helper to experience tagumpay, encourage her to attend.
At ONLY HK $300 Tagumpay is an exceptional value and a wise investment in the success of your helper.
Do you "discipline" your employees?
"Words alone will not discipline a servant; the words may be understood, but they are not heeded." Proverbs 29:19
Discipline is the key to building habits. Each of us needs to develop healthy habits. Employees need to develop healthy work habits. If you want your employee to develop into a star, you need to do more than talk talk talk; you need to train them.
In the medical profession there is said to be an established pattern to training: Watch one (I do it, you watch), Assist one (I do it, you help), Do one (you do it, I assist); Do it again (you do it, I watch), Teach one (repeat the pattern, only this time you are the teacher, not the student). Training requires demos, supervised practice and reviews. If your helper doesn't know her job yet, perhaps you need to invest the time to train her, following the pattern above.
What do you think? Feel free to comment below.
Hong Kong Immigration go after "live out" helpers
The following excerpt is from a news article posted on 7thspace.com. Click on the link below to read the entire article. http://7thspace.com/headlines/416380/immigration_department_investigating_on_stay_out_foreign_domestic_helper.html
Hong Kong (HKSAR) - During a surprise inspection conducted this morning (July 7) at Pok Fu Lam Village, immigration officers detected a foreign domestic helper who resided at a place other than his employer¡¦s residential address as stated in the employment contract, a spokesman for the Immigration Department said today.
During the operation, immigration officers conducted a total of 25 proof of identity checks.One foreign domestic helper was suspected to have made false representation with his employer upon his domestic helper visa application and was held for inquiry. The department is also investigating on his employer as to whether he had provided false information during visa application. The department will consider prosecution against any person who intentionally made false representation or provided false information about the live-in arrangement of foreign domestic helper. Case will also be referred to the Labour Department and Lands Department to see whether the employer had violated the Employment Ordinance and whether approval had been granted for owners of the leased flats to change the use of land.
What do you think? Do you have a live out helper? Does this worry or frighten you? Read the full article to see what the penalties are - they frighten me!
Warning: Sending your new helper to Macau to await her visa is dangerous
This week Pastor Jorge and I took a day trip to Macau, to investigate if it would be possible to "recycle" some terminated ladies through Macau. Recently some Arrow ladies have lost their jobs, and instead of letting us help them find a new employer, they went to another agency who sends them to Macau instead back to the Philippines while awaiting a visa. When I asked them "why?" they told me they didn't have money to pay the agency fee in the Philippines ($3000), and although the other agencies who charge $5000-12,000, they have a salary deduction scheme. We decided to make a survey trip to see if we could possibly send ladies to Macau while awaiting visas. This would save them money, and reduce the processing time by a week.
We visited a boarding house, spoke to helpers working in Macau and visited two church ministries focused on helping helpers. On the way to the first meeting, I noticed that the walkway was covered with colorful business cards. I picked up a few to look at: they were all advertisements for prostitutes with the phone #s prominent. The boarding house we visited was around the corner from a casino. The matron of the boarding facility told us that they only served their own church members, had strict rules, and low fees. She said that many of their church members will end up leaving the church, and get drawn into the nightlife and vices of Macau. She said she has even known ladies who go back to their jobs in Hong Kong pregnant.
The 2nd place we visited was a Filipino church. Most of their members work in Macau as domestic helpers, but they also have contact with quite a few helpers waiting in Macau for visas. They told us that they have 3 members who have boarding houses and could possibly accept some ladies from Arrow. Later on, via email, they told us that operating a boarding house without a proper license is illegal, as it violates fire and safety codes, and so they could not recommend that we place Arrow ladies in Macau boarding houses.
After I returned to HK, one of our Arrow ladies who went to Macau to await a visa (using another agency), came by the office to say "hello". I asked her about her Macau experience. She said she went through a large agency who runs 10 boarding houses in Macau. She paid $4750 + boat fare. She waited 48-49 days before her visa came. During her wait, she served in the kitchen cooking 2 meals a day for up to 100 ladies staying in the boarding houses. She visited casinos, wandered around and slept on her bunk. Other ladies routinely came back to the boarding house drunk or worse. Overall, she said it was nasty experience and she wished she had just gone back to the Philippines.
By hiring a lady who will go to Macau to await her visa, you can save $1116 on the Mandatory Philippine Insurance and perhaps you will shave 1-2 weeks off of the processing time. On the downside, you will risk your helper getting involved in gambling, and if she is desperate and pretty, perhaps prostitution. She will have to stay in an unlicensed, illegal boarding house, and will come back owing $5000-$12000 to her agency.
Is it worth it? For now, the answer for Arrow is "NO!" What do you think? Leave your comments below.
Your "face" cost her $7740
You've lost your job, and you need to release your helper. What do you do? If you are a Hong Kong employer, you might explain things to your helper, thank her for her service, but you will NOT, under any circumstances, write down on the form used to inform IMD the following words: "I lost my job, so we need to terminate our helper". It does not matter that you are a Christian, or that you are generally very concerned about social justice and the plight of the poor. It does not matter that you deeply appreciate how your helper has cared for your family and your children. If you are a Hong Kong employer you think that writing down those 11 words will forever stain your reputation; cause you deep shame, and in some mysterious way that noone can explain, make it so you can never hire another helper.
Had you been willing to write down those shameful words, your faithful helper could have taken another employer and started a new job almost immediately. It would have cost her at most $374, and another Hong Kong family, who is in desperate need, would have been blessed by your act of humility. Now the helper has to return to the Philippines where it will cost her over $4000 to process her papers. She will also lose another $3740 in lost wages while she waits. Your face just cost her $7,740.
We have customers waiting who parents have had strokes, are being released from the hospital, and they have no one to care for them. We have other customers, whose helper's parent has had a heart attack and can no longer care for the helper's children. Their helper must leave on short notice, and they need someone right away. You could have been a blessing to both HK people and to your helper, but somehow the shame, the loss of face is too much, so you wimped out. Your faithful helper's children may have to drop out of university or private school for the rest of the year, but what is that compared to your loss of face?
I'm sorry you lost your job. It is a terrible hardship for your family, but you could have turned it into a blessing for another HK family, and blessed your helper also. Instead you thought only to protect your face. Congratulations, you saved your face. Was it worth it?
A Letter from your employer
A recent customer asked me to forward the following letter to their coming helper. They gave their blessing for us to share it with our other customers. The names have been changed to protect privacy.
Dearest Mary,
Welcome to the Chan family! While looking forward to meeting you in person, we would like to give you a brief introduction of us.
Quick Glance of Our Family
- 4 members: Mr. and Mrs. Chan, Siu Mei (2.5 years old girl) and Ka Keung (18 months old boy)
- We are from a big Chinese family with strong family bonds. We spend a lot of family times together especially with the grandparents, our brothers and sisters.
Your Key Roles and Responsibilities
- Looking after the Children (Siu Mei and Ka Keung!!!)
- Make sure they eat well, play well and sleep well. When you are with the children, your top priority is to look after and to play with them, to ensure their safety and well being.
- Cleaning: This includes cleaning of the floor, windows and gate, furniture and other household cleaning.
- Cooking: This includes food preparation, cooking, dish washing (post meal clean-up) and garbage dumping, etc.
-
- We do not expect our helper to be an excellent cook. The best dishes that we would expect from you are BABY FOOD/ CONGEE/ RICE for Siu Mei and Ka Keung! To maintain healthy diets, we stay with less seasoning (less oil, less salt, less sugar) and simple cooking (like boiling and steaming). We usually cook and feed our children first before having our own meals.
- Laundry and ironing
- Others/ Miscellaneous: e.g. Marketing which is to support us in grocery shopping
Our Expectations
- To maintain a safe, clean and happy living environment for the kids and family.
- To have an obedient domestic helper who is dedicated and devoted to looking after our family, who is keen to learn and to improve.
Special Attention
- When looking after the children, please focus on the children ONLY to ensure their safety and to play with them. Our children are very active and like climbing (tables, chairs and even balcony). To stop them from climbing or fighting, please don’t yell or scream at them. Please speak softly and explain to them. For example, put your hand on Ka Keung's head and tell him gently, “Ka Keung, please do not climb onto the balcony. You may fall down and it hurts.” Please keep trying and speaking to them and you will find them listen very well. (You may be surprised to find that even the 18 months old boy, Ka Keung, understands what you say and can follow instructions.). To stop them from climbing, the best thing is to sit them down and read them a book/ story. Otherwise, they love singing and dancing; or playing in the baby kitchen; or playing balls together.
- Please be patient and be gentle to the children. It may take you some time to adjust to a new living environment and a new family (to live with strangers like us!!). Likewise, it may take more time for the children to adjust to you. We would appreciate if you can give them extra patience. Siu Mei, my two year old girl, may say NO to you when you attempt to feed her or take her to the toilet. However, if you can keep smiling and keep trying, I am sure it won’t take long before she likes you. I can promise, if you give them your smiles and love, they will definitely return theirs to you.
- Please maintain a high standard of hygiene. Since both Siu Mei and Ka Keung are small, personal hygiene and environmental cleanliness (especially food, toys, etc.) are exceptionally important. Ka Keung puts not only toys into his mouth but, sometimes, anything he finds on the floor (e.g. crayons, food residual and even dust!!). Always wash hands before handling food and after arriving home (from outside, park, supermarkets, etc.). Please understand that if one baby gets sick, the other one is always unavoidable. We do need your help to practice this well at home to prevent unnecessary illnesses and diseases.
- Please take comments for improvements. We are very organized people. We like keeping our place and things neat and tidy. If it happens that we would like something to be done in a different way, please don’t take it personal. Please focus on the matter. This is all about how to get things better for the kids and the family.
- Please be open to communicate with us. We are reasonable and open-minded people. We wish to have an obedient helper. At the same time, we would like to understand more about you and your needs. Please feel free to speak to us.
About us
- We are a happy family. We like smiling and laughing, hugs and kisses ☺
- Respect is the core value of our family. We respect each other and individuals.
- We are never perfect. We accept and learn from mistakes so we don’t repeat the same mistake!
*** If you have any question or any personal problem that may affect you to carry out your duties, please feel free to let us know. For example, if you are feeling ill, please don’t hesitate to let us know so we can help immediately.
*** Hope you enjoy the time together with us! May GOD Bless you!
Your new employers
(name withheld)
Don't be a food Nazi
The biggest complaint helpers have about their employers is that they are stingy with food. In almost every case the complaint is against the wife who manages the food budget. I have heard scores of stories about Hong Kong employers who measure out the exact amount of rice to be used at each meal, and who get angry if the rice is used up too fast, and who even go so far as to blame the helper for being "greedy".
Almost everywhere I travel in Asia I find that people are extremely generous with food. Farmers in China earning 500 yuan a month will spend half of their monthly income to feed a foreign guest who is visiting. How has the culture that gave us "Sik Faan Mei?" ended up producing food misers or food nazis in Hong Kong? If you want to keep a good helper, then lighten up when it comes to food. Don't talk about it, gripe about how much money you spend on groceries, just bite your tongue and feed them well. Your helper will find a hundred ways to repay your kindness, and will do her best to save you money when shopping. Have an abundance mentality, be generous, bless your workers, and trust God to bless you in return.
Candid camera!
All of us have experienced answering services that warn us "This call may be recorded for training purposes". Companies routinely record phone calls to monitor and train staff in the handling of customer service requests and complaints. At Arrow, we're a small office, so I don't record calls, but I can listen in on a conversation, and give staff feedback as needed. Still, recordings are useful because they are objective. You can't argue with a recording - you can hear both the words and tone used.
Video takes it to the next level because it shows body language and circumstance. Video is clear and makes it impossible to argue the facts of the situation. There is no "He said, she said".
As an employer, have you ever considered using a webcam to record your interactions? If you have a webcam, you may have footage of how you manage or train your employee. Why not review the footage? Take an objective look at your communication style: pay attention to your body language and tone of voice. How good of a communicator and trainer are you? Would you feel comfortable allowing others to view footage of you interacting with your helper? What kind of communication with your spouse and children would it show?
Skype can be for fun too
It takes two people to change, doesn't it?
I sometimes get calls from employers who are frustrated and ready to replace their helpers. On a recent phone call, the employer ended with "Afterall, both parties have to want to change, before things can get better." Right? Well, read on ...
It doesn't matter if you are employer or employee, husband or wife, parent or child -- you have the power to change your relationships, to make them better. The key is: You yourself have to change! I know you are thinking, "I'm not the one who needs to change." "I'm the boss, she should change, not me." Look at it this way: If you are the boss, then you are the leader. You should set the tone, set the example. You are the powerful one. Change your world, by changing yourself.
To put it another way: it's like math. 5+5=10. But what if I become an 8? 8 + ? = 10. People around us automatically adjust to changes in us. It's like dancing, change the way you lead, and your partner will eventually change too. (Of course, they may step on your feet a few times in the process of learning the new dance.)
Why not try an experiment? Read my article on "How to give feedback without becoming a nag" Change the way you give feedback to your employee. Follow the guidelines strictly, and avoid all questions like "Why did you ....?" which are "blame questions", and focus on the event, the outcome, and the change you would like to see. Try it for 30 days, and see if your relationship doesn't improve. You may also want to try it with your spouse, and kids.
Let me know how it goes, won't you?