Shalom in the Home

My daughter introduced me to this website. Let me know what you think?

TLC :: Shalom in the Home :: Shmuleyisms

You can't be a good parent without being a good spouse.

There are two kinds of parental love: the love you give your kids,
and the love you give your spouse.

Kids with loving spouses grow up believing in romantic love.

It's your kid's job to resist. It's your job to impose your will.

Arrow家庭畫冊

Arrow Family Album

Show off your kids! I've started an Arrow Family Photo album.  My problem is: "I don't have any pictures. If you have an Arrow helper, please send me a picture of your helper with your kids, the whole family, whatever. We'd love to post them on our website.

我的仔令我發狂

Help with 7 year old boys

My grandson is 7 years old and attends a local Chinese school. Sometimes the pressure of helping him/forcing him to do his homework is enough to drive us crazy. Of all our customers, it seems that those with 6,7 & 8 year old boys are under the greatest stress. If you know of any good parent forums for children this age, please let me know. I found one in English (http://www.conductdisorders.com/), but would love to find one in Chinese.  Hong Kong Character City 香港有品 also has some great resources for families. Check it out!  Thanks for your help.

Maid shakes baby boy

I hope and pray that this little boy is okay. Parents with small infants are wise to install internet cameras, so that they can check in on their children during the day. I imagine that the parents are feel both anger and guilt. Whenever anything bad happens to our children we (parents) always blame ourselves.

狂搖3月大少主 菲傭還柙 - 香港文匯報

【本報訊】中年菲律賓女傭疑因不滿僱主一家遷怒於少主，涉嫌向不足3月大男少主抱起大力搖晃洩憤，但遭僱主安裝的閉路電視拍下。涉案菲傭被落案起訴一項虐兒罪，昨被解上屯門裁判法院提堂，暫毋須答辯，還柙至下月7日在荃灣裁判法院再訊，以待警方進一步調查。

I hate how you see me! "A hell of my own" By Ryan Fernandez

Read this very interesting piece written by a Filipino who visited Hong Kong for medical reasons and saw an advertisement on the TV portraying Filipinos as primitives who could be transformed through training into the perfect maid. The writer, at first, admired Hong Kong, but after seeing this advertisement, went away hating Hong Kong. We never see our own prejudice and bigotry, but it exists nevertheless.

A hell of my own - INQUIRER.net

FRIENDS in Cebu never fail to remind me that everything over there is just fifteen minutes away by car. Whether it’s the harbor, the town square, or the monument to Lapu-Lapu with his perfectly sculpted calf muscles, each destination is easily within reach in the same amount of time that one takes a shower or smokes a few cigarettes.

To this, I proudly reply that in Metro Manila, traffic is the great equalizer, and that everything is just about two hours away.

I say this the same way the Soviets might praise the unforgiving Russian winter that drove out the Nazis from their homeland, but also wracked the country with famine and blight. Read between the lines. What I’m saying is, sure it’s hell here, but at least it’s a hell we can call our own.

It really amazes me then that with the same amount of time it takes to go to work, I can actually hop on a plane and fly to Hong Kong. This is exactly what I did several months ago, when I went there with my dad for my PET scan.

Special attention

Having pulled a muscle while playing badminton the weekend before the trip, he limped around with a stainless steel cane—a fact he did not hide, but rather exaggerated in order to get attention and special care. One of the airport staff spotted him hobbling from afar and immediately directed us to the customs lane reserved for the likes of government officials and foreign diplomats.

“Thanks!” my father said, raising his cane in salute before quickly remembering he should still be playing the part of an invalid.

The airport is connected to the rest of the city by an express train. At most, it’s a half-hour ride that cruises through Kowloon and Hong Kong proper, displaying to passengers the rolling hills and glittering skyscrapers iconic to the landscape.

On a map, we found the Adventist Hospital in a section of town called Happy Valley, a name that made me think of gleeful Chinese children, arms linked together and skipping to school, and toothless old men, waving with one hand and dangling a butchered piglet in the other.

The Cancer Center itself had all the accoutrements of a hotel lobby: soft carpeting, cozy lounge chairs, and a magazine rack with a generous selection of fashion, business, and show biz weeklies. In between raiding the secretary’s counter for Mentos and catching up on the misadventures of “Posh and Beck,” my father and I sat back and watched whatever was showing on the giant plasma screen.

There were several commercials, all of which were in Mandarin, so I had to be content with dubbing them in my mind.

“Gee!” exclaimed a handsome man who was admiring a woman’s glossy, black hair. “If looking sexy is this easy, I definitely don’t need that sex-change operation anymore!”

For a dog food commercial, I eagerly translated the tag line at the end to “Better food for your dog, better dog for your food.”

What seemed to be a news alert showed masked health workers herding gaggles of geese into sacks and then whacking the sacks with truncheons. A few escapee birds were promptly kicked, but I assumed this was all part of a highly convoluted advertisement about the dependable quality of some company’s line of sacks or truncheons or both.

It was the following commercial, however, that won my heart.

A well-to-do modern Chinese family sat in the living room, laughing merrily (perhaps they lived in Happy Valley) when the doorbell rang. The daughter—a pig-tailed toddler—climbed a stool and looked through the peephole. There stood a Thai woman dressed in a bright purple sash and long fingernail attachments. She put her palms together as if in prayer, and said a greeting.

Surprised, the little girl turned to her family, and they shook their heads. The same happened with the next visitor, a Malay woman sporting a colorful hijab, but she too was turned away. As if this was not enough, the doorbell rang again. This time the child found an exotic woman poised on the doorstep. She had feathers in her hair, animal teeth around her neck, and wore what looked like a fur loincloth.

“Ako’y nagmula sa Pilipinas!” she proudly said with a curtsy, bone jewelry jingling as she bended over. For a moment I was delighted. Perhaps I had stumbled into a new portion of an international beauty pageant wherein contestants proved their worth by trying to charm their way into someone’s household.

But delight shortly gave way to confusion, and then to shock. For the first time in my life, I finally saw how foreigners imagined Filipinos.

Back in New York, I had scoffed at acquaintances who had asked me if my countrymen lived in trees, washed their clothes by the river, and feasted on strays.

“Oh come on!” I’d say, “Honestly, does it look like I grew up living in a tree?” But I do walk around in a fur loincloth. At least that’s what the commercial confirmed.

Just like the other women, her foreignness was met with disapproving stares by the rest of the family. That was until a neon blurb burst into the screen accompanied by dazzling glitter effects, and in the next shot, the Filipina was transformed into a properly dressed housemaid with a matching pink apron and a pink feather duster.

She lifted the giggling little girl in her arms, looked straight at the camera, and addressed viewers in fluent Mandarin. In hindsight, the commercial probably made sense as a domestic helper training service. But since I didn’t know what she said, it was the perfect reason to get offended. Up until that point, I had admired Hong Kong as any wide-eyed tourist would, humbled by its working traffic lights and neatly paved streets as compared to Manila.

Pedestrian crossings were clearly marked, and even with single lanes, traffic kept on moving. But with that one commercial, my envy flared into downright contempt.

It was unfair for me to hate Hong Kong, especially since it was all made up in my mind, but someone still had to pay for humiliating that woman even if she was simply acting.

Would that family be just as cocky had they found themselves on the bad side of my town? Would anyone understand their pleas to escape the gridlock of Cubao at rush hour, rugby boys knocking on their windows?

Elsewhere, the Russian winter raged with full force, bearing down on both the invader and the innocent. Sure it’s hell back home, but at least it’s a hell I could call my own.

But back then, there wasn’t enough time yet to gather ire at the family and the city that turned down this Filipina. All there was was an unsettling feeling in my gut: pangs of lukewarm dread mixed with embarrassment and curiosity.

Outside the hospital, the rest of Hong Kong still glittered, its skyscrapers still soared as high as the mountains. On television, commercials still streamed one after another with messages propped up by blocky Chinese characters, and local celebrities spouting alien words.

The Filipina maid, still in a bright pink apron, looked straight at me. I followed the movement of her lips, but let my imagination fly:

My loincloth was too warm and itchy. Thank you, this apron makes me feel pretty now.

I welcome peanuts as a form of payment for my services.

You won’t regret hiring me. Just wait until you try my roasted poodle surprise.

菲律賓海外勞工匯款增一成三 -

菲律賓海外勞工匯款增一成三 - 香港文匯報

《菲律賓星報》十六日報道，菲中央銀行說，菲海外勞工人數近年繼續增加。去年菲海外就業管理局派往國外工作的人數達一百零七萬。目前在海外工作的菲律賓人達八百多萬，約等於菲律賓總人口的十分之一。他們分佈在全球一百多個國家和地區，從事海員、女傭、護士、建築師和軟件工程師等多種工作。

　海外勞工增加﹐向國內匯款的金額也增加。去年菲海外勞工匯款總額相當於該國名義國內生產總值的一成左右。海外匯款大大刺激了菲國內消費的增長，是促進該國經濟迅速增長的重要原因之一。

What's New?

Arrow Family Album

Show off your kids! I've started an Arrow Family Photo album.  My problem is: "I don't have any pictures. If you have an Arrow helper, please send me a picture of your helper with your kids, the whole family, whatever. We'd love to post them on our website.

Help with 7 year old boys

My grandson is 7 years old and attends a local Chinese school. Sometimes the pressure of helping him/forcing him to do his homework is enough to drive us crazy. Of all our customers, it seems that those with 6,7 & 8 year old boys are under the greatest stress. If you know of any good parent forums for children this age, please let me know. I found one in English (http://www.conductdisorders.com/), but would love to find one in Chinese.  Hong Kong Character City 香港有品 also has some great resources for families. Check it out!  Thanks for your help.

Jubilee Center Grand Opening March 23, 2008

Easter Sunday, 2008: Jubilee Center in Lek Yuen Estate will celebrate its grand opening! Rev. Reynaldo Avante, his wife and a delegation from Capital City Baptist Church will be joining us as our Chinese and Filipino congregations together celebrate our new beginning.

Jubilee Center will be open 7 days a week to serve  both Hong Kong youth and Filipino domestic helpers.   Facilities will include a coffee bar, Internet access, quiet areas for reading and study, as well as places to relax and rest. 

Thanks for stopping by.

Allan & Ione Smith

       

New POEA rules rejected by groups representing migrant workers

Migrant groups reject new rules - INQUIRER.net, Philippine News for Filipinos

MANILA, Philippines -- Despite the amendments announced by the labor department, the new direct hiring guidelines for overseas Filipino workers should still be rejected, OFW groups said Wednesday.

This is because the main beneficiary of the Philippine Overseas Employment Administration’s Memorandum Circular 04 was the government and not the OFW sector, said the Center for Migrant Advocacy.

The MC-04 benefits the government by shifting the burden of attending to OFWs in distress to the private recruiting agencies or employers, “subject to various payments borne by the OFWs in the migration process,” said CMA executive director Ellene Sana in a letter to Labor Secretary Arturo Brion.

MC-04, which took effect on January 15, requires foreign employers to secure a performance bond equivalent to three months’ salary (about $3,000) and a $5,000 repatriation bond, for each OFW that they hire directly.

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New POEA regulations threaten the jobs of many Filipinos

Let's hope this crazy new regulation quickly ends up in the rubbish bin. The Philippine government is trying to make money from the hiring of maids. (They have probably seen how the HK government has raked in millions from the levy) The result is that they are going to hurt a lot of helpers. Click on the link below to get the full picture of what the new regulations mean. I expect this new regulation to die a quick death, but in case it doesn't: For our existing customers who want to renew contracts with your helpers we will charge a flat rate of $1000. Let us help you and you can avoid this new POEA regulation.

Filipinos in HK fear job loss with new POEA rules--OFW group - INQUIRER.net, Philippine News for Filipinos

MANILA, Philippines -- Overseas Filipino workers in Hong Kong might lose their jobs over new rules by the Philippine Overseas Employment Administration which, among other things, require prospective employers to post some $8,000 worth of bonds before being allowed to hire OFWs, an official of a group of Filipino workers in Hong Kong said.

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NEW Direct Hire Guidelines

Your friend has introduced you to the perfect helper. Should you ask a local employment agency to process your hiring and visa application or should you do it yourself? The Philippine government has made that decision very easy: unless you want to put down HKD $50,000 as a bond, you better use an agency to process your papers for you.

ABS-CBN Interactive

POEA Memorandum Circular No. 4 or the Guidelines on the Direct Hiring of Filipino Workers states that foreign employers opting for direct hiring have to put up a repatriation bond of  US$5,000 and a performance bond equivalent to three months’ salary of the worker.

She said: “For an employer of a domestic helper in Hong Kong, this (bond) translates to almost HK$50,000. Practical and financial reasons alone will inhibit prospective employers from shelling out the amount.”

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兩人被控謀殺印尼女傭香港新浪網

- Hong Kong
警方今日落案控告兩名十六歲男子合共一項謀殺罪，他們 。涉嫌與上星期三一名廿四歲印尼女傭之死有關。 警方昨晚於大埔區拘捕兩人，死者被發現昏迷倒臥在九龍 坑村一個狗場的屋外，驗屍顯示她死於刀傷。兩人將於明 早在粉嶺裁判法院提堂。

from Sina.com news

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Filipinos working in Shenzhen

Some Filipinos are taking jobs in Shenzhen where they feel they are more respected, better paid and given more room. The article below is from a Singapore news outlet.

"FILIPINO helper Mildred rarely takes a walk around her neighbourhood in Shenzhen's Futian district in China.
Click to see larger image
File Picture

Her worry: Being arrested.

She is working there illegally, and the Cebu native is one of thousands of foreign maids doing the same thing, many of them in Shenzhen, reported the South China Morning Post.

Like some of them, Mildred, who used to work in Hong Kong, crossed the border after hearing from friends that employers in Shenzhen were more generous and treated Filipino maids with respect.

'I know it's illegal to work with a tourist visa, so I tell curious people that I came from Hong Kong with my employer for a short vacation and will leave next week,' said the 29-year-old, who has a degree in business management.

But she believes it's worth the risk - a fine and deportation."

Read the whole story

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They treated us like commodities

'They treated us like commodities' - INQUIRER.net, Philippine News for Filipinos

THERE is a popular joke among Filipino domestic workers in Hong Kong and author Nicole Constable retells it in her book, "Maid to Order in Hong Kong (2007)." A Filipina domestic helper arrives in Hong Kong at the home of her new employer who says to her, "We want to treat you as a member of the family."

The domestic helper is happy to hear this, but on Sunday, her employer says to her, "You must work before you leave the house and you must come home in time to cook dinner for the family."

"But sir, ma'am, I would like to eat with my friends today, because it is my day off," says the helper.

"But you are a member of the family," says her employer, "and because you are member of the family, you must eat with us."

Read the entire story.

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Your Child's Sleep Needs

We have quite a few customers who have children between the ages of 6-8 years old. My grandson, Ethan, who lives with us, is 7 years old, and attends a local Chinese school. With all of the homework pressure, it is difficult for Hong Kong children to get adequate sleep. How much sleep does a 7 year old boy need? I found this answer on the Internet. Please give me your feedback. Does your child get enough sleep? If not, why not? Constantly depriving someone of sleep is a guarantee for less than optimum performance, and will, cause that person to feel angry and resentful. What do you think?

Your Child's Sleep Needs

According to experts at the St. John's Mercy Sleep Medicine and Research Center in St. Louis, the current estimates of the sleep needs of children for each 24 hours are as follows:

• 0-6 months: 14-16.5 hours
• 6 -12 months: 14-15 hours
• One-year-old: 13.75 -14 hours
• Two-year-old: 12.75 - 13 hours
• Three-year-old: 12 to 12 1/2 hours
• Four-year-old: 11 ½ to 12 hours
• Five to seven year-old: 11 hours
• Eight to nine year-old: 10 1/2 hours
  
• Ten to eleven year-old: 10 hours
• Twelve to fourteen year-old: 9 1/2 hours
• Fifteen to twenty-four year-old: 9 hours
• Twenty-five and older: 7-1/2 to 8-1/2 hours

Baby Kingdom

I've recently had a customer criticize me in a public forum on the Internet. Many people have asked me about it, so instead of ignoring it (my personal preference) I have decided to address some of the issues raised.

First, let me begin by saying that we have never claimed "infallibility". We do make mistakes in assessing the abilities of people, and in matching people to families. Sometimes the helper is not a good match for the family, or perhaps, the helper is not as good as we thought. Sometimes the employer is not as kind as we thought. Every agency in Hong Kong, from the large chains to the small "mom and pop" business like ours will have a certain percentage of mismatches. At Arrow, we have gone to great lengths to reduce these occurrences, but they still occaisonally happen.

Mistakes in matching will occur. This is part of the business.  If you expect perfection, you have definitely come to the wrong agency.  I believe that how we handle mistakes says a lot about our character and the character of our company. When we make a mistake, we we admit it, and do our best to make amends. We go the extra mile in trying to make things right. We have sent our trainer to customer's homes to observe the helper's routine. We have had numerous young ladies into our home for cooking lessons. We make follow up calls and employers know they can call us anytime to discuss a problem they might have with their helper.   At Arrow, we  try our best to "get it right", and when we don't, we take responsibility for our mistakes.

When it comes to choosing a helper, it is vitally important you, the employer, KNOW YOURSELF, and your family. We do our best with the information you give us, but if you withhold information from us, or fail to consult your spouse or family in the hiring decision, please don't come back later and blame us.  In this public forum case, we never met the spouse, and the wife made the hiring decision without consulting her husband, who, as it turns out, did not like her choice of helpers.

Many people want "instant noodle" helpers. If you expect the helper to walk in, and within a few days to be fully functional, then you need to hire a person with recent Hong Kong or Singapore experience. Don't hire a first timer, and don't hire someone who worked in HK 10 years ago. If you hire a first timer or someone who hasn't been back to Hong Kong in a while, then you  need to give them time to adjust and learn to work according to your ways.

How long, after the helper arrives,  should you wait before deciding whether or not a helper is suitable for your family or not? Is a few days time enough? Even an experienced person may have some culture shock or have adjustment problems. Unless your helper is dishonest or dangerous, I personally think it is irresponsible for an employer not to give them at least a month or two to adjust and learn the job.  A few days is NOT enough time. 

We have a number of employers who come to Arrow looking to replace their helpers (hired from other agencies). They tell us their current helper is stubborn, lazy or even dishonest. When I ask them "how long has she worked for you?", I am surprised to hear "Six months or 9 months". I then ask "Why did you tolerate this so long?" and they tell me, "I knew she borrowed money to come to HK, and I wanted her to be able to pay off her debt first. I didn't want her to suffer financially."  I admire this kind of employer and I personally want to be more like them.  We have never claimed to have the "best helpers" in Hong Kong, (even though we have some pretty good helpers out there). We do, however, proudly claim to have the "best employers" in Hong Kong. 

Finally, I have been criticized for caring too much for the Filipino helpers. To this charge, I happily plead "guilty".  At Arrow we care about the people who find work through our agency, and we care about the families who hire workers through our company. Love is a "renewable resource". There is unlimited supply of love available in God. You needn't worry that by loving Filipino workers, we will then, not have any love left for Hong Kong employers. Does God care less for Filipinos than he does for Hong Kong people?  Would it surprise you to hear that Filipino helpers criticize me for standing on the side of employers and caring too much for employers?

For too many years, Hong Kong agencies have taken advantage of the poor, and Hong Kong employers have unknowingly aided and abetted them. We have tried to swing the pendulum back toward the middle, and we are considered "extreme".  I can live with that label. Jesus was "extreme", and was greatly concerned about the poor, so ... "why not?"   

We have intentionally marketed to "people of conscience", people who care about issues of fairness, human dignity and poverty. Although we have a reputation for having good, reliable "trustworthy" helpers, we don't expect everyone to respond to our approach to business.  We will continue to do our best to make sure our helpers are competent and trustworthy, but we cannot promise perfection. We do promise to do our best to "get it right" and if something goes wrong, we'll do our best to "make it right". What more can ask for?

Thanks for listening!    Allan

Arrow 1st Annual Thanksgiving Party

I've edited video from our 1st Annual Thanksgiving Party. Take a peek at a great party!

Philippine Job Training Brings People to Christ

We recently completed two weeks of training in Manila. I filmed a few highlight testimonies from the first week. You can get an idea of what the training means for those who attend. You can also hear the level of English of those who attended. Of course, the candidates were quite nervous about making a video, and their English is a little better than their performances. Many candidates have learned a lot of English, but have not used it in years. After 1 month in Hong Kong, many of them will have absolutely no problem communicating in English. They just need a little time to "shake the rust" off their English, and they'll be fine.

Arrow Training November 2007

I was "wow-ed" yesterday. At our Arrow training I ate some of the best Chinese food I have ever eaten. The Spring rolls were delicious and, for the first time, I ate this egg dish (5 on the plate in the middle). They were delicious. The soup was average because we didn't have enough of the proper ingredients, but everything else was fantastic. I was impressed!

Overall, the level of English in this group is quite good. I have not yet interviewed anyone with below average English. A couple of them have learned a little Mandarin or Chinese. One or two have impressed me with their initiative, bringing me coffee, etc. (Coffee is always a good way to get my attention.)

We have tried to discourage some of the ladies with small children at home, but some of them are in desperate financial need and feel they have no choice. 

A word about finances: Potential employers, you need to remember that these ladies often borrow  money to pay for their processing in the Philippines.  If you hire someone, you need to be patient with them. If you terminate an employee over minor issues like absentmindedness or occasional lateness, bad cooking, etc. you will be hurting their whole family financially.  We work with our Philippine partner to keep fees on this side as low as possible, but most women still need to borrow to pay their fees here.   Some of them even need to borrow money for the bus fare to attend our training. Please have some compassion and patience.

The importance of Gratitude

"Neither were they thankful" Romans Chapter One

I've been thinking about "thankfulness" lately, thankfulness and ungratefulness. Thankfulness is a wonderful attitude to cultivate. It will protect your relationships and fill your life with joy. On the other hand, ungratefulness is a destructive attitude that steals the joy from life.

The opposite of "thankfulness" is a "sense of entitlement". This sense of entitlement says "I deserve only the best, and if I receive anything less than what I deserve, well - then I complain."

As employers are you grateful for the service of your helper? Do you routinely say "Thank you. Dinner was great!" or are you more likely to say "the rice was overcooked". Thankfulness looks not just at outcomes, but at the heart, the effort. When I pay my staff, I say "thank you, for your hard work", and my staff says "Thank you for the job and the paycheck." When I get up in the morning I say "Thank you Lord, for a beautiful day!" If it is raining I say "thank you for the rain", and I enjoy it!

If you are a "I'm entitled to", "I deserve", "the world owes me" kind of person, you will be demanding, rarely say "thank you" or "good job". Your children and spouse will be starved for "encouragement", and you will, frankly, be a "pain in the neck" to be around.

I can usually tell which employers have the "entitlement" attitude, because they start complaining long before their helper arrives. It doesn't matter that we have done everything in a correct and timely matter. If there is any small bump in the process, they get very angry.  "I paid you so much money, and the helper is still not here." (Most of our helpers arrive within 2 months of contract signing). Of course, a customer is entitled to expect certain things from those providing a service to them, but there are some things we can't do.

"Can you get me a helper in 4 weeks?" No!
"Can you find me a helper who speaks fluent Cantonese, cooks really great, but cannot be more than 30 years old." Not likely.

To be honest I worry, "If the employer is this demanding with us, how will they treat their helper?"

We have helpers who have the "entitlement" attitude as well. When we find them a job, they are excited and full of gratitude, but some of them, after a month or two of work, start to complain. If they get sick and we can't take them to the doctor (on behalf of their employer), these ladies complain "Arrow doesn't care for us." If we visit them in the hospital and take them into our home, while they recover, they don't say "thank you", but rather complain that we didn't do enough for them." They don't treat our help as something given out of love, but rather as something "owed to them".

Entitlement and Gratefulness are opposites. Don't take for granted those who live with you or those work with you. Thank them, praise them, encourage them, and you will create a home environment where everyone feels happy and appreciated. Discard the idea that the world owes you something. It will only make you unhappy and the people around you will be miserable too.

Think about it.

Treat your helper well

I try to treat people as human beings.... If they know you care, it brings out the best in them.

                            --Sir Richard Branson, Founder and Chairman, The Virgin Group

Do you think that the Richard Branson approach might work in your relationship with your domestic helper?   Here are a couple more quotes to stimulate you.

"The end result of kindness is that it draws people to you."

                        Anita Roddick, Founder and CEO, The Body Shop

"What creates trust, in the end, is the leader's manifest respect for the followers."

                    James O'Toole, Author of Leading Change

Sounds somewhat like Jesus said

"Treat other people the way you would want to be treated."

This is the key to being a good boss or a good employee. As employers, let's lead by example. Focus on being a good employer and see what happens to the performance of your employee. Of course, a good employer will have reasonable standards and expectations, but he won't place all of the burden on the employee, but rather will bring out the best in his employees.